tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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