i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize