I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How's work?
Spinning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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