I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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