OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
