How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
