Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
