just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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