why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize