quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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