You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
