I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
