Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
