I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
