I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
