If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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