was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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