well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
