this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
