Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
