Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
