just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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