@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize