I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
