I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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