is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
