I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
