I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
