I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well I just put wine in my tea
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drunk is not a location!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
