so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
