I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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