You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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