i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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