only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
