i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
