His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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