there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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