i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
