3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He passed out mid-signature
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
