I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
