I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
