Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
