Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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