Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
