Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
