I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
