Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
