Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I love you. Go after that dick
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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