i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
