We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize