Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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