This girl is more easily done than said...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
