Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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