he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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