I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
