He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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