Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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