you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
