i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
