I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
