I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize