When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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