he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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