so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just found puke in my bra..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
