I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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