everyone is single if you try hard enough
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
