he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize